What To Do When Someone With Ptsd Pushes You Away​

The challenge of supporting someone with PTSD becomes particularly complex when they begin to push away those closest to them. This pushing away, while painful for supporters, is actually a common response rooted in the nervous system’s attempt to protect itself from further harm.

As both a mental health and substance use treatment center, we understand that PTSD rarely exists in isolation. Often, individuals may use substances as a way to cope with their trauma, creating a complex web of challenges that requires professional support. Our integrated approach addresses both the underlying trauma and any co-occurring issues that may develop.

Understanding Why People with PTSD Push Others Away

The Nature of PTSD

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) fundamentally changes how a person processes their environment and relationships. When someone experiences trauma, their brain’s alarm system becomes hypervigilant, constantly scanning for potential threats. This heightened state of awareness can make even safe relationships feel threatening.

The body’s response to trauma isn’t just psychological – it’s physiological. The autonomic nervous system, which controls our fight-flight-freeze response, stays activated long after the traumatic event has passed. This persistent activation can make normal social interactions feel overwhelming, leading individuals to distance themselves from loved ones as a protective measure.

Common Reasons for Pushing Others Away

Understanding the underlying reasons why someone with PTSD might push others away helps develop more effective support strategies:

  • Self-protection: Creating distance serves as a defense mechanism against potential emotional pain
  • Control: Pushing others away can provide a sense of control in an environment that once felt dangerously out of control
  • Overwhelming emotions: The intensity of PTSD symptoms can make emotional connections feel unbearable
  • Fear of judgment: Concerns about being misunderstood or stigmatized often lead to isolation
  • Trust issues: Past trauma can severely impact one’s ability to trust, even in previously secure relationships

Signs You May Need PTSD Counseling

When someone with PTSD begins to distance themselves, certain behavioral patterns often emerge. Recognizing these patterns helps supporters understand that the pushing away behavior isn’t personal but rather a symptom of the condition:

Warning Signs of Withdrawal

The pushing away behavior of someone with PTSD often manifests through numerous observable changes in their typical behavior patterns. These can include:

– Sudden cancellation of plans or avoiding social gatherings

– Decreased communication or one-word responses

– Emotional numbness or apparent indifference

– Increased irritability or angry outbursts

– Sleeping problems

– Physical distancing or avoiding touch

– Making excuses to avoid interaction

Understanding Trigger Responses

Triggers for individuals with PTSD can be unpredictable and highly individual, ranging from sensory stimuli like sounds and smells to specific locations, situations, or anniversary dates. These triggers can prompt intense emotional responses and withdrawal behaviors, often leading to physical distancing and avoidance of situations that might remind them of their trauma.

Effective Support Strategies

Supporting someone with PTSD involves understanding their boundaries, practicing active listening, validating their experiences, and using non-threatening language. Offer consistent, low-pressure check-ins and specific help, rather than vague support offers.

Communication Approaches

Effective communication becomes crucial when supporting someone with PTSD who’s pushing others away. Approaching these interactions with sensitivity and understanding can make a significant difference. Key elements include:

• Active listening without interruption: Focus entirely on what they’re saying without planning your response or trying to fix the situation immediately. Sometimes, just being heard is what they need most.

• Using calm, clear language: Maintain a steady, gentle tone even during difficult conversations. Avoid raising your voice or using complicated explanations that might increase anxiety.

• Avoiding ultimatums or demands: Never force choices or create pressure scenarios. Instead, present options and allow time for decisions.

• Emphasizing “I” statements: Say “I feel worried when…” rather than “You always…” This approach feels less accusatory and more supportive.

• Validating experiences without judgment: Acknowledge their feelings with statements like “That sounds really difficult” without trying to minimize or compare experiences.

• Allowing control over conversation pace: Let them guide the depth and direction of discussions, respecting when they need to step back.

Practical Support Methods

Supporting someone with PTSD requires balancing active presence with respect for their space. Here’s how to implement key support strategies:

• Regular, pressure-free check-ins: Send simple messages like “Thinking of you” without expecting immediate responses.

• Specific offers of help: Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” try “I’m going to the grocery store. Can I pick something up for you?”

• Assistance with everyday tasks: Help with practical matters like preparing meals or running errands, while ensuring they maintain their independence.

• Maintaining predictable routines: Create stability through consistent support patterns, as unpredictability can trigger anxiety.

• Respecting autonomy in decision-making: Always involve them in choices about their care and daily activities.

• Being reliable in responses: When they do reach out, respond consistently and promptly to build trust.

Professional Treatment Options

Supporting someone with PTSD requires both personal understanding and access to professional treatment. The right combination of self-awareness and professional guidance can make a significant difference in the healing process. Here’s an overview of how to approach supporting someone with PTSD, along with the professional treatment options available.

Therapeutic Approaches

For PTSD, therapeutic approaches are designed to provide targeted support and healing strategies tailored to the individual’s needs. These treatments help individuals process traumatic experiences, reduce symptoms, and build resilience. Here are some key therapeutic methods used in PTSD treatment:

Individual Therapy

    • Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for processing trauma:

CBT helps individuals challenge negative thought patterns and behaviors that arise from traumatic experiences, ultimately leading to healthier ways of thinking and responding.

    • Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR):

EMDR involves guiding individuals through bilateral stimulation (like eye movements) while processing traumatic memories. This method has been shown to reduce the emotional intensity attached to trauma.

    • Exposure therapy when appropriate:

This approach helps individuals gradually confront and process memories of the trauma in a controlled environment, reducing the avoidance behaviors often associated with PTSD.

    • Mindfulness-based stress reduction techniques:

Mindfulness helps individuals stay grounded in the present moment, reducing anxiety and distress caused by flashbacks or intrusive thoughts.

Group Therapy Benefits

    • Connection with others who understand:

Group therapy provides a safe space to interact with others who share similar experiences, allowing individuals to feel less isolated.

    • Shared coping strategies: In group therapy, participants can learn practical coping strategies that others have used to manage PTSD symptoms, helping them feel more empowered.
    • Reduced isolation: Interacting with others who have experienced similar trauma can alleviate feelings of loneliness, encouraging social connections.
    • Peer support and validation: Group settings offer mutual support, where individuals can validate each other’s experiences and progress, which is crucial for emotional healing.

Family Counseling

    • Improving communication patterns: Family counseling focuses on developing healthier communication strategies to reduce misunderstandings and improve emotional expression between loved ones.
    • Understanding PTSD’s impact on relationships: Family therapy educates loved ones about PTSD, helping them better understand the emotional and psychological struggles the individual may face.
    • Developing healthy support strategies: Family members learn how to support their loved one in ways that promote healing without becoming overwhelming or unintentionally triggering.
    • Building stronger family connections: Therapy helps restore trust and build stronger emotional bonds by creating an open space for conversations and mutual understanding.

Integrated Treatment for Co-occurring Conditions

The relationship between PTSD and substance use requires a comprehensive treatment approach that addresses both conditions simultaneously. Here’s what this integrated care involves:

  • Trauma-informed addiction treatment:

Treatment that recognizes how past trauma influences current substance use patterns and adapts recovery strategies accordingly.

  • Understanding triggers that lead to substance use:

Identifying specific trauma responses that may prompt substance use, allowing for better prevention and management strategies.

  • Developing alternative coping strategies:

Learning healthy ways to manage trauma responses without turning to substances, such as mindfulness, exercise, or creative expression.

  • Creating personalized relapse prevention plans:

Developing detailed strategies that address both trauma triggers and substance use urges simultaneously.

  • Building a strong support network:

Connecting with others who understand both PTSD and addiction recovery, creating a community of understanding and accountability.

Supporting Loved Ones During PTSD Counseling

When supporting someone with PTSD, prioritizing your own well-being is essential for maintaining the strength and resilience needed to provide effective support. Here’s a comprehensive guide to self-care strategies:

Emotional Boundaries

• Recognize personal limits: Pay attention to signs of emotional fatigue, such as irritability, exhaustion, or feeling overwhelmed. Learn to step back when these signals appear.

• Practice saying “no”: Set clear limits on what you can realistically handle. Remember that declining additional responsibilities isn’t selfish – it’s necessary for sustainable support.

• Maintain support connections: Build and nurture relationships with friends and family who understand your situation. Regular social interaction helps prevent isolation.

• Schedule recovery time: Block out dedicated time for activities that recharge you, whether it’s reading, exercising, or pursuing hobbies.

Physical Boundaries

• Establish sleep routines: Prioritize 7-8 hours of quality sleep each night. Create a calming bedtime routine and stick to consistent sleep/wake times.

• Keep health priorities: Maintain regular medical check-ups and engage in physical activity. Good nutrition and exercise directly impact your emotional resilience.

• Protect personal space: Create a peaceful environment for yourself where you can decompress and recharge when needed.

Managing Emotional Impact

• Regular emotional check-ins: Take time daily to assess your feelings and emotional needs. Journaling can help track patterns and identify when you need extra support.

• Professional support: Consider working with a therapist specializing in supporting caregivers. They can provide valuable tools for managing your stress.

• Support group participation: Join support groups where you can share experiences and learn from others in similar situations. This reduces isolation and provides practical coping strategies.

• Stress-management practices: Incorporate regular relaxation techniques into your routine. Find what works for you, Whether meditation, yoga, or simple breathing exercises.

Remember, maintaining strong self-care practices isn’t optional – it’s fundamental to providing effective, sustainable support for your loved one with PTSD.

Conclusion

Supporting someone with PTSD who pushes others away requires patience, understanding, and a commitment to being present even when it’s challenging. Recovery isn’t linear, and healing often involves addressing both trauma and any co-occurring mental health or substance use concerns through professional guidance and consistent support. Remember that reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness, and no one needs to face these challenges alone.

At Rego Park Counseling in Queens, NY, we’re committed to helping both individuals with PTSD and their support networks navigate this challenging journey. Through comprehensive PTSD counseling and substance use treatment, we help individuals who may use substances as a way to cope with trauma, creating a complex web of challenges that requires professional support. Our integrated approach addresses both the underlying trauma and any co-occurring issues that may develop.

FAQ

What if my loved one refuses help?

While you can’t force someone to seek treatment, you can continue supporting and sharing resources. Focus on building trust and maintaining open communication. When they’re ready, professional help is available.

Can PTSD be cured?

While PTSD may not be “cured” in the traditional sense, it can be effectively managed with proper treatment. Many people learn to cope with symptoms and lead fulfilling lives through therapy and support.

How do I handle PTSD-related outbursts?

Stay calm, maintain a safe distance if needed, and avoid taking reactions personally. Remember that outbursts are usually triggered by the trauma response, not by you. Use de-escalation techniques and give space when necessary.